Few More Promises to You

Few More Promises to You

Few things I believe of you.

Few faith that I owe you.

Few heart that lives within you.

Few hurdles crossed by you,

Will always be the same as my promises to you.

Yes! Promises to you...

Few second when you hold me.

Few hours that you are not near me.

Few moments that just included you and me.

Few love that you gave me.

Few smiles that came to me,

Will always be in my memories as my promises to you.

Yes! Promises to you...

Few miles we walk together.

Few words that we argued upon.

Few fights that were just clueless.

Few hugs that were just too warm. 

Few kisses that stopped these unstoppable lips and lectures,

Will always be the favorite as my promises to you.

Yes! Promises to you...

Few tests that made me cry.

Few minutes when I had worries.

Few nights when I pressed my hands against you.

Few pulls when you were unstoppable.

Few giggles when you whispered love to me.

Few dreams that we dream together,

Will always be the routine as my promises to you.

Yes! Few more Promises to you!

Happy New Year

Every year teaches you a beautiful lesson. A year ends welcoming a new year, we enjoy it and celebrate it will all joys. Like this, it teaches us to move on and continue a new chapter for life. So just forget who left you in criticals in your past years, cause next year new solutions will knock you there by and mend you into a strong person! 

Cherish your faith and keep going because it's

"Happy New Year 2020"

Happy New year

Happy New Year

Happy New Year

Cheers to a new year that has let us with another chance to find new energy. Where hopes will smile from the threshold of year to come; with wishper's that, "life will be happier"

"Happy New Year 2020"
Wish you a Happy New year

October Night: I am taken away

October Night: I am taken away

The reflection of the bloomed moon, on the surface of the sea. I felt as if, she came up to glance itself, In her mirror in the sea. The moment was so delighted that, I was taken away.

I felt lucky to be her audience while, I found no words to define how beautiful she looked. All I could do was to hold still at the place where I was. I wish if I could touch her, feel her; Alas! I couldn’t. Yet I was taken away.

When my eyes struck my hand it was 11: 53 pm Then I thought beauty blooms only in the peace. Like, she bloomed above the world so high. The full circle and her glow made the earth shine As if, she was the provider. And looking at her, I was taken away.

The lights from her, as if it was giving relief to my eye. The way she was floating in the sea , made my soul weightless. She was the envious circle that carried my pain away. The bloomed flower I could smell so good from miles away. October night, the envious full moon. While from the bottom of my heart I felt: I was taken away. 

Happy birthday

You're getting old, and you can also see time is ticking out. May be every birthday shows we shave less time left on hand. But the way we should see it, you should live everyday like its your birthday. Happy birthday

Happy New Year 2020

Happy New year 2020

Every year stand like a new notebook, mark yourself as the pen. Fill up your each pages with your goals and start achieving it. And while filling it don't expect anyone else to fill it for you. Let this year be you along your goals. 

"New year 2020"

Happy New year

Role Karnali: Travelling Different Space

Lots and lots of struggle stories I heard. Amongst all the most favorite and motivational story to me comes from within my home. Yeah! I love my parents struggle story because it's what I could closely observe and feel. Because I watched them making that small space into "Home" designed and decorated by love, affection, care and most importantly STRUGGLE. I grew up watching my parents struggle for my happiness and career and good future of our family. I always found my mom as a gracious Tigress while Dad as a Mighty Lion: who paced my future with their eternal effort. I am so lucky to have a parents like them while hearing and observing their struggle story for our family makes me proud. their story gives a different satisfaction and gleam full of motivation. It brings a warm positive vibrations to all my cells. May be that's why I always want to have my own struggle story so that someday my story can vibrate some other cells nearby...

A jolly personality with an unpredictable nature who likes exploring and experimenting along a heart that always longs for more and more: that's me. So now yes, I will be working onto a struggle for life but the question was "How"? Personally I am a person with series of questions and when I continue asking questions to the people, they get mad at me. That's how I am! But relief is, I always question selective people. Hmm, when it comes to question? I do remember mind boggling crazy thoughts on my mind. I do remember the tricky questions answers that I used to fill under my academics like, "what if next morning you wake up and found yourself of opposite sex? or you met an alien? or you reached a different planet or country? or xyz..."  So here comes my answer for how. The answer is "I will start my struggle story from a may be slightly different space. So all I have to do is begin the start of my career from a slightly different space." But the misery is where is that different space that's will help me shape professional?

So for Professionalism: I should drop the stuff that makes me unprofessional at first point. May be first thing onto the top list could be Time Management, anger control, patience. I need to manage my TAP first; Time, Anger and Patience. Then utmost important is I am getting used to too mush easy access to comforts and services; maybe I should give that up too. Another key element that I need is to convert my weakness into strength for professionalism. For me family plays both strength and weakness at the same time, because their support makes me complete while I relay too much on them and that's kind of weakness. I have depended too much on them even for small problems. So now I want to long for destinations and stories of my own... Some independent walks of my own that shall mend me stronger.

But before that I must thank that one special human being to whom I spent all my energy for a wrong person. Thanks to the betrayal that he returned in favor that made my decision for independent journey a bit easier... You had had been my weakness for all the time; now that you stepped back my decision got easier. But I know at some point walking away from family is going to be difficult. 

While I never realized bagpacks hurt. I wanted to convince myself that I carried enough memories with me for a year. I know it is going to be hard to say goodbye yet, new things are awaiting to say hello there... But Saying goodbye actually was too hard. I wanted to quit my decision at the last moment yet I couldn't... I couldn't because I knew I would have made the goodbye even more harder, if I always keep changing my decisions. 

But before, 25th November would have been a casual day for others yet to me it was it was special because dream to roll for Karnali is about to start. I remember the way how my eyes remained full of tears and face reddened with a manipulative smile. I remember growing speechless and trying to change the conversations inbetween when they watched me go. As my car moved on and they stayed there watching me... I going to miss you Family. 

My Incomplete Fantasy: My Saviour

"Every end is the beginning of something new" I recall the way I used to tell people whenever they hit hardship or loss. Now it was me in the hardship but I found noone by my side to utter my saying to me. Yeah! I completely broke down with no idea of how I shall be starting my life once again on my own. Recalling 11th july, 2017 the 20 sleeping tablets on the side table of my bed and me making continuous calls to him. Yeah! that that day I wanted to beg him for love or else that would have been the last conversation or may be a last call to him. As I wanted to rest: rest for a long time in peace. May be I made him more or less 50 calls yet he was randomly cutting it off. I finally thought may be I should leave now for the rest. My plan that night was simple just have all 20 tablets and go to rest without realizing any pain.

I could think of nothing others than either giving up on life or he would call to save me. Getting no response from him, I held a hand full of tablets. I remember I was crying though still expecting him to call me back... Then finally my phone rang I thought it was him; I reached my phone and it wasn't him. I took a long breathe before picking it up, all I could say was, "Mummy". How unexpected that my she called exactly when I was about to commit suicide. she said, "it's 12:15am I really had a bad dream beta, I saw you screaming and crying in a dark room beta! Is everything alright? Is there something that's bothering you?" Mom's words made me realize may be there are some people who are my priority other than him as well. In heart, I regretted what I was doing then yet I lied mom saying," it's just a bit of cold mummy I will be alright. Don't worry so much about me!" "You idiot! Just come home tommorow. You just live 2hour away from home. Visit us for some week after all you have your off days now. Have some time for family as well beta" mom was so soft so warm when she said this. Taking a long breathe I replied, okay! Mummy, I miss you so much and Thank you.

That night one call from my mom saved me. My mom became my saviour not him. At 21 I was about to end my life for a man whom I had just Know for 3 years. What immature decision was I about to make. I forget that my parents were also there for me; Everytime I needed my any support. But when she called I felt a warmth that I should live. And I must live for my family, in respect to beautiful connection that I got since birth. 

Of course he promised to stay but dropping me to the point where I was about to end myself completely: he gave up half way. Who saved me that day was my Mom. Whole night I couldn't sleep because I had a guilt that I was about to let my family down. Then I made a promise to myself, "My family will always be my first preference: in sorrows and in celebration".

My Incomplete Fantasy: Relationship Ended

My Incomplete Fantasy: Relationship Ended

I don't believe the my next chapter had my journey to sail on my own after the nightmare that I had assumed of. Finally, our relation ended because he left without any word and I no more wanted to be the pressure in his life. I could at least understand that he is a busy man and he has a lot task to perform in his daily life other than me. And may be that's why he wanted to leave. Yeah! he said he got tired of everything so the first thing that he wants to giveup was me.

Yeah! this was heartbreaking that to me, my world crashed infront of my own eyes and i could do nothing. I could do nothing to save our world at all, where he didn't even had a second thought to save it: that breaks me deep inside. But out of all the heartbreaking facts or those tears; the funniest part was he left when I started trusting him more than me. Every time I told people that nobody is ever worth of my trust but stupidly I fall over him. I realize he left when I needed a strong support next to me. He left when I believed he would stay even when everyone will turn their face away from me: he proved me I am wrong. While, I still believe I am strong enough to deal with any situations, even after things ended up between us. What makes me loose my strength at some point is he left without saying a word. I understand may be for him to explain things must have been difficult; as we planned our future too far together which without coming into action has been a past now.

Today, even after you left me on my weakest nerves, I don't really have any bad word for you. Rather, I prefer to thank you. Thank you! for giving me the best lesson for  life. The lessons that helped me realize that my life should depend on myself. "Nobody is a Soulmate here, it's your soul and you who makes the living survive the crisis all alone"- thank you for helping me conclude why life should be independent. Moreover, thank you for making be independent where I realized I can achieve so much on my own. After you left, the weakest nerves in me became such strong that it gave birth to a new me. 

I remember being lost around with your memories after you left. I remember the uncountable questions that I asked to myself. I still have goosebumps to commend who much the memories of us haunted me like a nightmare. Yeah! it became nightmare everytime I remembered our planned future, that never came true. While I even recall how much I regretted all the memories I had with you because they made me sad all the time. Today I cherish them all, I cherish all those memories of us. Because those memories helped me to come out of all the sorrows. 

My Incomplete Fantasy

Cheers! To the time that left us incomplete. Incomplete within some moments, some memories, some plans and some fears of our story. Yeah! Our story which remained uncelebrated even though we planned it much more beautiful than it could ever occur in reality. And it also never happened may be because I gave up half way and you were too tired to run to me.

Although it's an incomplete story of ours there might be someday when we will face each other time and again. During these surprising moments I might want you to take two step towards me so that the half way incomplete can atleast improvise. But neither of us will be doing so; as these two steps are pointless infront of our egoistic channels and attitudinal barriers on our own. In our story I don't know if you will be the other incomplete half of our story or not yet. I know I will always remain incomplete without you. While I have no clue on how to survive on my own.

Here I prefer to sail the incomplete Half on my part; with a clueless destination to go for. I understand why I need to try atleast to phrase it complete: noone will put their efforts on it as it's my incomplete story not theirs'. Better known to the truth that no matter which way I sail for I know I will still be able to smell your presence there once and many more times in future. We will encounter again and again for times because you are the one l longed for ever since I started having feeling and dreaming. We started our journey from where I started to know myself. Therefore, I eternally want you to drag me so close to you. No, just next to you as there is nothing more important than you in my life. From prayers to pleasures you keep me believe in myself more than I actually do. Dear, dream it was just you; the one I loved and Longed the most for. Dear incomplete fantasy yes, it was you and still it is you in my heart.

You are My Incomplete Fantasy that still has a long way to go as a chapter to be continued...

Uncounted Preparations of Father

He started his journey of life ages ago. He started as a son then a man; but after so long years he can actually feel how his Father felt when he was born. As he knows someone very soon is coming to call him "DADDY".

"DADDY" the word itself isn't easy, it actually needs a lot of preparations. Soon he is going to be a father which means raising his child into respectable adults; by protecting and preserving them as their real life superhero. To own the title for the superhero/ super-hunk/ daddy he starts to prepare himself from the very little things. But somewhere nobody notices or realises his preparations for being a father.

From he all the preparations and check-ups from the very beginning  pregnancy cycle for a to be father; his feelings somewhere never counted. People say it's her pregnancy cycle but he can only feel it's theirs'. His feelings as "to be father" is excluded from the celebrations and preparations. Even though, he holds all his feeling in him. Most often fathers’ feelings and experiences in respective of pregnancy and childbirth is excluded: because people pre-assume only the mother is there during the pregnancy. Yet, he was also there from the very first day when he heard their child has started it's life in her. As a Father he went through a strong mixed feeling while striving to become prepared and to participate during pregnancy and childbirth, which was actually very difficult and it needed a lot of hard work for him which nobody can even count or explain...

During all the preparations he sharply knows that He has an important part to play during pregnancy and childbirth and even after that. He realizes his roles and responsibilities that needs to be supported by helping his better-half physically or strengthening her mentally; as responsible, caring and loving parents. He even knows the sensitivity that needs to be highlighted as a great commitment and a wish to participate during parenting as a Father.

As a father, he has that strong feelings during the pregnancy, and expecting a baby becomes primary focus in his life.  To him, becoming a father means great joy, excitement and expectations, and a strong longing for the baby. And this feeling to him is honestly  the greatest moment of his life.

After a long Patience then comes the childbirth, where he fails to explain that   strong but mixed feelings. To him, it particularly is very difficult to put those strong feelings circulating through his body into words. Witnessing the birth of his child turned into a fantastic, joyful experience. Therefore, he fails to phrase or explain his feelings into any words. To him this particular moment with his little baby is one of the dream that came true; which he finds both unreal and unique.

And this particular unique and unreal feeling he experienced was never the patriarchy! His feelings are the unexplained realities of fatherhood that none the father could literally phrase or explain in terms of words. His preparations to become a father was one of the real hard test to him. Where, the precious sucessive result  he received was the product of his love and commitments with his better-half as 'their newly born child.'

When Motivators Forget To Motivate

"Motivation" word comes from the word ’motive’ which means needs, desires, wants or drives within the individuals. While the word itself is the term that pushes an individual to accomplish ones needs, desires, wants or drives on their own. Motivation is one of the most positive word that in 21st century world talks and discusses about. From your baby step to the old-age several motivation and motivational speeches, lectures and stories.

But in the row of motivational speaker who try to motivate the 2nd or the 3rd person next to him/her, somewhere still don't understand the definition and need of the word motivation... sometimes when people more focus onto motivational speeches or articles completely forget to motivate others in terms of action. Yes, in regards of the speeches and the selection of the flawless word to the listeners were actually very motivating; but same speaker on motivation sometimes lacks to implement the motivational factor interms of action. Yes! The trigger is one to those who talks a loud about motivation and progress and success while the underlying truth is they never put their words of motivation into their actions.

Hundreds and times they shout-out that motivating everyone is their purpose still they forget; they forget that only the big dreams and big words that they have pressed through their lectures and speeches ain't enough to motivate others.  Sometimes people complain that they are not working as a team because they lack a motivation to work as a team. They highlight motivation as their need yet cannot figure out; how can they actually reflect the need of motivation into reflection? One easy way was to input every little things in appreciation and value everyone's performance as a team. But where the Motivator failed was; one started pointing out the flaws of the individuals in the team that always hindered the team members to come up with an idea. Yes! A valuable good speech to the team could be provided for motivating the team but on the other hand pointing out the individual flaws in the team members can definitely obstruct on the team performance.

So therefore sometimes the way you start to motivate others either with counseling or with action can differ the idea of motivation and motivating others. Likewise, Motivators might even fail to motivate due to circumstances and instances...

Simply, you!!!

I only have one importance left in this life; and it's You. Only, you!

One importance; no doubt baby, it's you..Simply, you!

Treasuring you within my heart; where my happiness come along you!

Oh! Love, there shall I need you! I seek you!!!

Mine heart when meets yours comes onto life;

The particular moment my heart actually beats for me.

My heart when it feels yours; makes me beautiful, the way I never felt before!

On notes, when my heart fell for you; 

I lost myself from me, as I couldn't neither stop nor control myself from loving you...

Now it beats next to you, for you and because of you.

Yes, You! Simply, you!!!

Smiling! I can't help this feeling because I  now have reason to celebrate my living.

Dreaming! Is now limitless as it never happened more fantasizing before I met you..

Living! Actually is now the luxury as my charming shades as soulful love of yours is with me... 

While every on and off mood swings I go through is now a fun...
Only and only because of you! Simply, you!!!

Weak stories

Every individual hold a story in him or her. While the point is what is the value of that particular story of him/her. On one hand some story highlight the importance of living, life, success, bravery, motivation and inspiration... Overall these success story which reflects how life has positive sides of living, the positive ways that makes everyone behind

Goosebumps

Goosebumps

Life sometimes unwillingly decides its own journey. There are hundred and tons of planning we make in our present so that we can have a settled and sustained future. But life barely runs on the planned track. So was my this journey. Before heading to Surkhet, Nepal several plans were listed from shopping to get together; yet nothing worked as planned. Several idea in my mind that I would do this shorts of activity to support quality education. But

The Unspoken Feeling

The Unspoken Feeling

I feel like my heart has grown much more impatient since I met you. I feel as if I won’t be able to survive. Without you my life will go towards the shade. And my heart goes impatient, too impatient after you.

These eyes want to see you all day long. It is scared to lose you even in the blinks I take. So it scans you all the time around me. It has grown that selfish. I wish to have you close to me all the time. Even I wish you for the nights if there weren’t any of these barriers. I have started thinking about you for all night and keep smiling like an idiot. I even imagine of the romantic illusions between you and I. I want to admire you all the time. I just wish if I could play with your hair, I wish to cuddle you all night. Applying nail polish to your nails and tight hugs would be my best.

Every time a romantic song goes around, I wish if we two could spend hours arm by arm. I want to sing for you despite I have a worst tone, dance with you. Take you out for a long vacation. If only goodbyes weren’t there.  Dropping you to your place, where I childishly ask you to hug me… and a sweet kiss… Seems like I will lose my way without you.

Life would have grown really smooth but it’s me who cannot dare to express my feelings to you. I am scared you would turn your face away from me. Every day I came up with plan to express what I actually feel for you but I cannot make my words right to you. This non-expressive nature of me hurts. I feel like I am able to inhale these pains. I am satisfied with this pain, also. Even in the hard times I feel to smile, smile enough to think that I will pave my way out of it. I am scared that i might loose you and the feeling haunts me...

Do I Love You??

Do I Love You???

Actually it's not really difficult to write about love. I've seen couples saying the same thing over and over for so many years. So I feel; it depends on how honest it is and how good one make themselves up to other. You can say 'I love you' in a trillion ways, and it can always sound different or feel different.

But today I realized it's not easy to sit down and open yourself up and say, 'This is how much I love you or something.’ Gosh! This crap is much more difficult, you know? It's scary to do that. It’s even scary when you excitedly plan a date and when you are onto it becomes difficult for you to open up. So far in this world I was not dying to hear you say, 'I love you. Or I love you, too' But I do think that if we leave this legacy of love and passion in the world, then I think we've done our job in a world that's getting colder and colder by the day. But life would turn out to be a regret if I don’t share you of those feelings too. Yes! It would be the regret of my life that I had not said 'I love you' for today, tomorrow or often enough.

Well, well there is no stress on or about dating necessarily but even though the excitements and anticipations and new feelings could be a bit overwhelming and making relationships’ filled with stress and all. Sticking with a wrong fellow could also be a nightmare when it comes to a relationship.

Hmm, I realized; to say 'I love you' one must first be able to say the 'I'. Therefore I will be looking forward to be the I in every twists and turns. Expecting you to be “You” at all the destinations we plan for.

I Miss You!!!

I Miss You!!!

Honestly, I can't forget the times we've shared together. The sadness and the happiness, the failure and success, the simple hugs and those tender stories of yours. I miss you and that is why during nights as I gaze upon the stars. I miss you during the day as clouds cover the sun. I miss you for every hardship that hits me for all the unspoken feelings that I hold inside me. That’s where I want to hold you in my arms. I miss your smile, your joy, your lips; in real I miss myself who stayed 8 years back waiting for you in that room.  I wish for you to be here, in those loneliness and grips. These painful longings and penetrations; I feel in my heart very deep.  As these 8 years has passed very slow to me. My soul cries out for you more and more strongly. I have been yearning the day to be together once more. But the fact is that day is never possible.

 

When you looked after me I felt like nothing came up to bothering me but once you look away. I could not even see you at your last minutes.  With the news that hit my ears: tear slowly started rolling down my cheek and I whispered: they are lying. Everyone told me, “You are now miles apart, so I just have to control my feelings and accepting the reality that you are no more” But to me it was really hard. I never saw you passing away or anything before my eyes to accept; you left me behind. Just hearing you stopped breathing was not acceptable to me, hearing on how your funeral rituals were carried out was a story to me that still today my heart aches so much. Still my heart don’t feel to accept you are no more. Actually my heart could not find rest when you were gone. Everything in my life had lost its colour as you were gone. To me I completely lost my family and a friend and a mother figure. “I miss you” in short just feels it won’t restore what I really felt then.

 

But in this 8 years I have missed you for anything that really good happens in this life, because you are the one who cherished my success. So I want to share all the happy moments you missed each single thing each single bit and lines from the part of my happiness. The reason I want to make it upto you is my heart says, “it was only you to whom my happiness mattered.” I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. You always were my protector. I miss you when I laugh or I cry. This is all because I know that you were the only one that cared from my laughter grew to my tears disappeared. I miss you most when I lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other; for those were some of the best times of my life. Your silly brat has really grown insomniac in those 8 years as no one tells me wonderful bedtime tales like you did. Except you nobody cared. 

Love; To ME

Love; To ME

Love is something that brings cheers, joy and cute moments in our life.  When and where ever our loved one is: from in your heart we feel for them, care for them. In trouble, we try our best to help, to ease them, put efforts to shot their problem. While our efforts are onto the comfort and satisfaction: of our loved one. Moreover, we expect a good image in their heart, connection to their soul. We share every single thought with them. While, sometimes we lack words to express our inner heart. Our feelings to the very special person whom we want to share every feeling within us. Yet, we do not find words to exactly depict our deepest feelings. There we prefer so many things and ways to hint them of our feeling.

To me I never knew what love is? Yet, when I looked at you my heart felt like you were tickling it. The most amazing journey in my love-life started when you said to me, “I do feel for you, be my girl”. I never expected you to love me back, that really was surprising and dream come true moment for me.

While, one of the refreshing things about love to me is: I have a very loving reason to wake up for every morning in your arms. Hmm, there I just needed that tight hold from you. I do find we both are equally weird; let’s say we are mutually compatible for each other in context to our weirdness… It feels like, it was yesterday I fell in love with you, today I am falling in love with you, and I really don’t want to end up loving you… It is my heart that longs for you and so are my eyes. Even my soul is crazy for you. While my arms they don’t want to go empty, it just feels to reach you out.  

Yeah! it's him

Yeah! it's him

"Never give your heart on blindness.. love needs to convey lights to you. if the feelings are really love.. I need to gleam thousand lights yet you are the light of the lights."- he said to me. That is one of the reason: I simply need to be the star twinkling over his sky... just to lit his reality more brilliant and brighter 

"Somewhere inside when dividers of musings separates and evenings goes through sunrise ..I consider you and while considering you is like a bit of sky falls down..stars tumble down and I ask a bit of your heart ..the rooftop where I conceal myself.. the ground where I discover my direction.." the most legitimate words with warmth embraces that I ever felt from him.

There are times, I redden with blushes, Cause I am stunned. No words to clarify what I feel for him. May be that's the reason I attempt to console my heart, calling it "Crazy". However, this insane-ness is not and never the way I expected things to happen. But, the way he took things so elegantly that the truth has become far way lovely than my creative imaginations. All thanks to him, for being the honest person not next to me but somewhere with me, haha...

Out in the realities he really has knocked the doorsteps of my heart for numbers of time. My queries on, "why these knocks so often?"; I just get one reply, " I don't have to knock.. I've got the right key to open your heart..😊😊😊" I address myself-"truly ??? how might he be so certain?? on having key to my heart? Hmm... Is he the correct one?" I even asked him once. To which, he said,"There's solitary a distinction of thread among certainty and carelessness. Presently the string is your ally. I needn't bother with that key as I've  already owned it.. simply give me that string.. How about attempting this affection string progressively strong, miss?" Gosh! his answers truly lifts my breath up, my heart truly gets quicker. 

Somewhere within my heart even I do feel something for him just beyond friendship and beyond love. May be the unseen connections, strongest and the finest one i ever felt with anybody else. Yeah! it's him.