My Incomplete Fantasy: My Saviour

"Every end is the beginning of something new" I recall the way I used to tell people whenever they hit hardship or loss. Now it was me in the hardship but I found noone by my side to utter my saying to me. Yeah! I completely broke down with no idea of how I shall be starting my life once again on my own. Recalling 11th july, 2017 the 20 sleeping tablets on the side table of my bed and me making continuous calls to him. Yeah! that that day I wanted to beg him for love or else that would have been the last conversation or may be a last call to him. As I wanted to rest: rest for a long time in peace. May be I made him more or less 50 calls yet he was randomly cutting it off. I finally thought may be I should leave now for the rest. My plan that night was simple just have all 20 tablets and go to rest without realizing any pain.

I could think of nothing others than either giving up on life or he would call to save me. Getting no response from him, I held a hand full of tablets. I remember I was crying though still expecting him to call me back... Then finally my phone rang I thought it was him; I reached my phone and it wasn't him. I took a long breathe before picking it up, all I could say was, "Mummy". How unexpected that my she called exactly when I was about to commit suicide. she said, "it's 12:15am I really had a bad dream beta, I saw you screaming and crying in a dark room beta! Is everything alright? Is there something that's bothering you?" Mom's words made me realize may be there are some people who are my priority other than him as well. In heart, I regretted what I was doing then yet I lied mom saying," it's just a bit of cold mummy I will be alright. Don't worry so much about me!" "You idiot! Just come home tommorow. You just live 2hour away from home. Visit us for some week after all you have your off days now. Have some time for family as well beta" mom was so soft so warm when she said this. Taking a long breathe I replied, okay! Mummy, I miss you so much and Thank you.

That night one call from my mom saved me. My mom became my saviour not him. At 21 I was about to end my life for a man whom I had just Know for 3 years. What immature decision was I about to make. I forget that my parents were also there for me; Everytime I needed my any support. But when she called I felt a warmth that I should live. And I must live for my family, in respect to beautiful connection that I got since birth. 

Of course he promised to stay but dropping me to the point where I was about to end myself completely: he gave up half way. Who saved me that day was my Mom. Whole night I couldn't sleep because I had a guilt that I was about to let my family down. Then I made a promise to myself, "My family will always be my first preference: in sorrows and in celebration".

My Incomplete Fantasy: Relationship Ended

My Incomplete Fantasy: Relationship Ended

I don't believe the my next chapter had my journey to sail on my own after the nightmare that I had assumed of. Finally, our relation ended because he left without any word and I no more wanted to be the pressure in his life. I could at least understand that he is a busy man and he has a lot task to perform in his daily life other than me. And may be that's why he wanted to leave. Yeah! he said he got tired of everything so the first thing that he wants to giveup was me.

Yeah! this was heartbreaking that to me, my world crashed infront of my own eyes and i could do nothing. I could do nothing to save our world at all, where he didn't even had a second thought to save it: that breaks me deep inside. But out of all the heartbreaking facts or those tears; the funniest part was he left when I started trusting him more than me. Every time I told people that nobody is ever worth of my trust but stupidly I fall over him. I realize he left when I needed a strong support next to me. He left when I believed he would stay even when everyone will turn their face away from me: he proved me I am wrong. While, I still believe I am strong enough to deal with any situations, even after things ended up between us. What makes me loose my strength at some point is he left without saying a word. I understand may be for him to explain things must have been difficult; as we planned our future too far together which without coming into action has been a past now.

Today, even after you left me on my weakest nerves, I don't really have any bad word for you. Rather, I prefer to thank you. Thank you! for giving me the best lesson for  life. The lessons that helped me realize that my life should depend on myself. "Nobody is a Soulmate here, it's your soul and you who makes the living survive the crisis all alone"- thank you for helping me conclude why life should be independent. Moreover, thank you for making be independent where I realized I can achieve so much on my own. After you left, the weakest nerves in me became such strong that it gave birth to a new me. 

I remember being lost around with your memories after you left. I remember the uncountable questions that I asked to myself. I still have goosebumps to commend who much the memories of us haunted me like a nightmare. Yeah! it became nightmare everytime I remembered our planned future, that never came true. While I even recall how much I regretted all the memories I had with you because they made me sad all the time. Today I cherish them all, I cherish all those memories of us. Because those memories helped me to come out of all the sorrows.