I AM FALLING IN LOVE WITH ME

Out of hundred rays that fall upon me,
you are the one that made me feel ; so warm.
yes i am especial,after thousand tantrums i do
and you are the one who gets happier with me.
i do not know what exactly has happened to me:
but babe i am falling in love with me.

Locked in your arms, and some pillow fights
casual conversation with some sensual jokes
and the cheesy poses for the old portrait.
babe who are we just two hearts falling for love.
some times i do want to tell you
honey! you are the reason
that i have loved myself more than anybody else:
cause i know a part of you survives in me.

I AM- a toy!

Romantic melody hit those ears 

And my heart did not  moved an inch.

Had my heart grown cold or old?

It did not flutter!

After someone wispered love to it.

Speechless; with numb heart,

And i had to give a reply!

It must have had been a stroke that hit me;

While my heart yelled- ” ouch! it’s difficult.”

Yes! i can. i can!

I can wisper of- “an illusion.illusion of love to you”

Illusion after your romantic melody.

Finest act of mine, that would appear to be.

Hey honey! I am – ‘The Toy ‘

The toy one loved the most; long ago…

And, now left alone:

Lifeless and free.

The unexpressed feelings

The unexpressed feelings

I feel like my heart has grown much more impatient since I met you. I feel as if I won’t be able to survive. Without you my life will go towards the shade. And my heart goes impatient, too impatient after you.

These eyes want to see you all day long. It is scared to lose you even in the blinks I take. So it scans you all the time around me. It has grown that selfish. I wish to have you close to me all the time. Even I wish you for the nights if there weren’t any of these barriers. I think of you for all night and keep smiling like an idiot. I even imagine of the romantic illusions between you and I. I want to admire you all the time. I just wish if I could play with your hair, I wish to cuddle you all night. Applying nail polish to your nails and tight hugs would be my best.

Every time a romantic song goes around, I wish if we two could spend hours arm by arm. I want to sing for you despite I have a worst tone, dance with you. Take you out for a long vacation. If only goodbyes weren’t there.  Dropping you to your place, where I childishly ask you to hug me… and a sweet kiss… Seems like I will lose my way without you.

Life would have grown really smooth but it’s me who cannot dare to express my feelings to you. I am scared you would turn your face away from me. Every day I came up with plan to express what I actually feel for you but I cannot make my words right to you. This non-expressive nature of me hurts. I feel like I am able to inhale these pains. I am satisfied with this pain, also. Even in the hard times I feel to smile, smile enough to think that I will pave my way out of it. I am scared that i might loose you and the feeling haunts me. 

October Night: I Was Taken Away

The reflection of the bloomed moon,
on the surface of the sea.
I felt as if, she came up to glance itself,
In her mirror in the sea.
The moment was so delighted that, I was taken away.

I felt lucky to be her audience while,
I found no words to define how beautiful she looked
All could do was to hold still at the place where I was.
I wish if I could touch her, feel her;
Alas! I couldn’t. yet I was taken away.

When my eyes struck my hand it was 11: 53 pm
Then I thought beauty blooms only in the peace
Like, she bloomed above the world so high.
The full circle and her glow made the earth shine
As if, she was the provider.
And looking at her, I was taken away.

The lights from her, as if it was giving relief to my eye
The way she was floating in the sea , made my soul weightless.
She was the envious circle that carried my pain away
The bloomed flower I could smell so good from miles away.
October night, the envious full moon
While from the bottom of my heart I felt: I was taken away.

Loneliness

Loneliness might not be something that he felt when I was not around. Loneliness might not be what he went through when I broke-up with him. It might just be about how he acted in his life; of being happy, or being normal without me.
The true loneliness might also be the feeling which one experienced since childhood. It could be the feeling of having nobody by your side when you needed the most. Loneliness is the feeling which kills you after you lose your soul completely. While true loneliness is the situation when you pretend to be happy and explain the world around you; you are enjoying a complete life.
Loneliness is to share your feelings of extreme happiness and extreme coldness with your pillow rather than the world around you.

You understand that the world around is too busy to have their valuable time to celebrate in your joyful occasions. While no one could manage time to help you shot your problems in hardship of life. Loneliness is the feeling of fear, and pain that you never expressed to anyone around you.
And after redefining the loneliness for time and again, 2 years of our relation and the 10 month of your suffering after our break-up feels like nothing to me. You said,” You are the cold person who never cared about your feelings and sentiments. Because of you my life god destroyed. I find myself alone, I cannot sleep all nights, and this is all because of you. It is all, just because of you.” After hearing you, I still don’t feel anything. I don’t feel sorry for what I did to you in 10 months without being reasonable. I don’t feel sorry for leaving you. But I find myself sorry for letting you know who I actually am. You said I killed your soul, and washed away all your happiness from life. But I am glad that, you were never killed by the force that compelled you t get addicted to the sleeping-pills; to forget your pains like I did. I am glad that you never had to count the stars to forget pain in your loneliness. I am glad that you never encountered the darkest night like I did and you even didn’t hear any of the loudest thunders at your weakest point.
To you I am the one who destroyed your life and you in the name of love. To me I am the person who cannot express; myself the way I am. I am vulnerable, while only little saw me in that stage. I do cry, and few wiped out tears from my beautiful adorable eyes. The one who said my lips adored them, only few could read the unuttered loneliness from them. And it saddens that you could not get the pain I uttered from my lips.
At the end I would like you to compere the loneliness; the 10 months you suffered because of me and the 20 years I discovered under the sky among number of people around me. Which would score high do you think? I guess it would be a tie: yet I am not sorry to you because I want to drag all the love from your heart out. So that someone else could get better life and a pre soulmate in you. At the end the cold heart of mine would like to tell you that I loved you with the
bottom of my heart but the unspoken things from my lips are the lines that act as a boundary to my love. And in the next row, you cannot read those lips without I make them to you. So better I be a cold self-centered person… So may be, loneliness is the shadow of love; I could not trail enough.

I LOVE YOU

You! Who came 2 days ago how dare you made my heart flutter…
You! Who came to this life how dare you start to complicate my emotions.
How dare you to bring butterfly all over my tummy and fear around my hear …
How dare you !! To make me want to whisper the magical love things…
Yes!! I feel to whisper love when nobody is around. 
Dear unseen perfection I don’t know what love actually is but sometimes I really want to whisper these words to you- 

I love you

Her Story; TheUnspokenTale

Her Story; TheUnspokenTale

HER, her story begins with a new life inside her. In a silent corner of her heart, she feels glad that she is going to be "MOTHER”. Numerous feeling hits her heart while she lacks word to explain her happiness on being fertile. She dares to intake all kind of changes in her. She dares to intake all the suffering too, as the reward for her is the title – Mother. She knows she can lose her beauty; her charming face can be occupied with spots and pigments, her shaped body will turn into a bumpy thing, mirror will describe her ugly. But she hardly cares as she motives to see herself as a beautiful mother of her child. She mends herself ready to go through the gags, mood swings, the pains and everything else.

she is able to carry life within her; she is going to be –“MOTHER".

She, for nine month carried a life inside her. For these nine months, she appears to be the most sensitive element in this earth yet, her reflection to his eye is different. On the direction of a lens, she is a creator but her creativity will have no reasons for celebrations if the life inside her is a girl. He sees her as a vulnerable creature. He takes her presence as granted and feels pity on her. May be that is the reason he feels no proud that his women, his girl/ his better-half is fertile. He doesn’t put any respect to the mother of his going to be child but demands to identify who she has been carrying inside her; his son or another vulnerable creature alike her.

The soft corner in her heart wants him to respect her yet she is afraid. She cannot even demand her part of respect from him because her mother taught her- your duty is to accept his treatments without caring if it is good, bad or worst.  Every time her husband demands to verify the child as boy or girl? She dreams to deny his command but she turns out to be helpless. He wants to know to what sex his child belong without even bothering of her feelings. She just wanted to be Mother of her child. But her dream sounds too cheap to him. Finally he compels her for sex determination test and she is given no other alternative. The result said she was holding a beautiful princess inside her, her happiness knew no bound. But it was crashed into pieces when he said- “we prefer to abort the child, please let us with your date” to the doctor.

Vulnerably she thinks to herself- “If only he could feel what it feels to carry life inside self? If only he could sense the happiness for being a creator? If only sex would not have been a measure to label motherhood.  If only he could realize what being aborted actually feels like? Or if he was a girl child in his mothers womb and his father decides to abort him.” She feels sorry for not standing up for her daughter. She feels, she failed because her womb could not hold a child alike him. Yet sticks silent because she had had been a good daughter throughout her life, sincere wife throughout her life, a responsible daughter-in-law throughout her life. While, she repents for failing as; a mother of her unborn aborted daughter.