Blessed with the aroma of love

Dissolving life into a tragedy and despair may be I have lost enough! Enough moments to live within the joy and pleasure to please this life. May be I was to impacted with those criticisms. With all those criticisms they made; somewhere I got entangled underneath their criticism and opinion. And I frowned! Yeah, I frowned fearing their opinions will soon drag me lower and lower... I frowned enough to forget what freedom was in my past life. I frowned where I forgot to glow as me. Rather, I tried to get adopted as their opinion forgetting where I belong. 

Luckily, I woke up... I woke up after a long sleep where I tried the best way to get adapted. This morning, I was touched by a faint rainbow... Where the faintness had driven me to a different diameters and dimensions; filling me with hopes that life and love will find me very soon. Things will go back to what it was then.  Once again I will be blessed back with the aroma of love and living. I won't deny I lost my lights somewhere on the way. But I trust that I will once again turn into the firefly chasing the darkness, enlightening the hopes for joy. 

COVID-19 and the government response Nepal

Nepalese understand that Nepal is a poor country and we don't have enough budget and resources of our own or create the ventilators and mechanism  to treat the COVID-19 patients. While on the next hand my government is rich enough to separate the budget of 6.5 billion to purchase the vehicles for respectable's.

Dear government, the only greatest effort from your side during the COVID-19 pandemic is the months of lockdown and more lockdown. Many places lack the PCR tests and RDT tests. Dear government thank you for being so irresponsible during the pandemic. But incase I get to be infected with COVID-19, I will be responsible enough to make sure I don't be any medium to transmit COVID-19 in my community and family. While I would think many more times if I get an opportunity I will surely transmit the Corona virus to those irresponsible heads from the government. I would feel glad if few of them actually end themselves (those who are neglecting the crisis and prioritizing the service and those luxurious vehicles) due to Corona virus.

The reason I am saying this is, in other nations the government is trying to fetch more practical and possible solutions to tackle and control Corona virus. They are trying to save their best doctors, nurses, teachers, scientists, engineer, etc. along their citizens. While in my country citizens are still helpless to stay home. Country's economy is sarcastically falling down.Dear government, what about the country's resilience? When will we be resilient?? When will things go back to normal. Even the results of the tests are verified and testified only after the death of any individual. My dear government why so much of irresponsible-ness?? Why can't Nepalese enjoy the legacy of democratic republic as we have been paying you the tax on time. During this pandemic, we expected the the government to use of our taxes for the betterment of people and the country while fighting COVID-19. But you truly disappointed us; deciding to invest it upon the luxurious vehicles. Dear government who will ride those vehicles, as you will be extending the lockdown time and again. 

What Counts as me? : Soul of desire, dreams and longings

What counts as me???

Failing to find life in physical self;

May I drive towards the unseen soul?

But what includes in the soul:

Is it the emotional and the intellectual vibration?

May be I seek to look after waves to awaken me from within. 

But will the waves include my desire, dreams and longings? 

Following myself selflessly, I see a bigger picture.

Somewhere I dream to be free.

Free as bird, free as butterfly,,,

Somewhere I want to be steady.

Steady as mountains or those rocks,,,

Some how all I want is to explore! 

Explore within myself, Explore beyond myself!!! 

But where will my exploration lead? Puts me in dilemma!

For all I have dreamt of are the moments I shall cherish.

Cherish all my life from nature along my nurture! That's it!

I wanna gaze the gradual warmth of rising sun;

Even the cooling breeze of brightest moon.

Follow the streaming river unless the meet the silent sea.

Drool through the hottest Ray's of desert to chilling on the lea.

Wish to listen to the surrounding; in it's happiest and in its saddest,

Wish to enjoy the magnificent gleam of sunshine in my gladdest.

Never know what awaits the next, But all I long for is to travel!

Just to find out, "What counts as me?"

For all; I want to find myself in my soul of desire, dream  and longings!

---

What counts as me???

What shall a life brought to be?

What shall a life brought to be??

To be me??? To be me???

Is it my soul? Or my body?

Where does the life in me lies!

If it's the soul: why did i never saw it?

If it's the body; Which part??

What counts as me! Which part counts as me??

Which part does my life lies???

Is it the eye or the ears...?

One saw, one heard; it's their function. 

It's their function. Not my life!

Could it be the heart, mind or the mouth?

One's beat keeps me alive,

One's thought marks me intellectual,

While one's words explains my persistence!

in between, where do I count my life?

What shall a life brought to be? 

No clue I am so not happy, staying still.

Shall my soul know? What truly counts?

Counts as happiness, luxury, living: Or 

Or should I say, What counts as me. 

What counts as me???

Spring filled with love will surely find me again

Turning into frozen soul there's no sense of warm feeling at all

My breaths have now turned cold as despair has actually throbbed a lot

All those faith and belief of mine withered as my heart is broken

Collapsed being your pawn; wounded with your cheats and frauds...

Haunted with dreams and regrets for the countless memories of ours 

My eyes are hurt with incomplete dreams of our memories and those plans

Eyes filled with tears, hopelessness and senselessness filled with despair

Lips left with the unuttered betrayal that ain't caressed at all

Seems my body can hardly stand on its won... I feel to seek support!

From nowhere! 
Yet, from nowhere;I  believe 
"spring filled with love will surely find me again."

Cheers to the fool✌🏼

World is filled around with fools and with the ones who love to laugh at fools. Sometimes you feel you are smart cause you tricked them so easily. Sometimes you get angry realizing you are mocked. In this race may be I even forgot I wasn't the one fooling others, rather I was fooling myself. But fooling isn't easy finding and calculating excuses to mark yourself correct is actually so difficult. 

"I am fine" the sweetest word that I excused to comfort myself and people around; even when I was extremely not fine. I don't know who I fooled there; world or myself. Well, excusing the world around us easier: just stare straight into the eyes and speak up... May be it's easier than to excuse inner self! For me it was difficult. Because people around said m stronger than others I helped myself alot to get stronger. While in the race to be strong I never understood how strong they expected me to be?? Or what kind of strong; physical or mental??? I always took it  being mentally strong. So I kept all the feelings in self. Yes to the world I am an extrovert who enjoys in myself: and yes, I am also the introvert who has died inside restoring all the emotions inside. Clueless of what rating would I get on being this strong! All I know is I was fooling myself for a better good may be. 

The best in me came while loving him... May be the finest of all, I never thought simple flirts would matchup so high hitting an extra dose of feelings for him. And there I fell for him, I was madly in love with him. But for a cause I wanted to stay strong so I insisted staying over my ego to relationship. The simpler excuse to me was sticking to my words than love for him. Yes, I fooled my feelings over attitude, I know I am a strong woman love can't take walk over me after all love is simply an illusion. I lasted up believing love is something that can't touch me. In the race of being untouched to love I Failed myself. Once again someone blew the magical moment and I was taken. Navie self of me melted over the illusion of love, I started to love him more, and believe him more than myself may be. But here with the fear of being hurt I could never honestly express the feeling for him. May be insecurities drives me more. But he endured it, I defeated all of it gradually. Should I call it luck or fortune all of a sudden his interest in my switched. To him someone else's arms were more comfortable. No strong girl like me can't fade like this, many more glory will be waiting for me. Let's just move on by let going. The only words my inner self could console with while it even knew I can't because am hurt. But for the world I stood up cheerful and happy. Congratulations, girls you are winning this despite you are hurt somewhere inside; world finds you a jolly character. Once again you fooled yourself and people around damn well.

Hollowness inside does kills yet you are breathing happily makes the world feel jealous of your living; aye aye you are fooling everyone quiet well. Hiding your weakness and shining with the confidence in the front row. You are killing it cause people dream for this confidence and you have it. Well not bad at this point as well. Someday success will be in your coat, the world around will expect for you to share your secret for success. Then don't explain them the countless fear that you went along, don't ever mention you how low you felt. While never detail them on the ways that helped you to boost your self-esteem higher. Just keep up fooling yourself because the world believes your intelligence even more than you. And say love the fool in you and cheers to the fools who trusted you.
P.S.: April Fool or everyday Fool✌🏼😂😜
If someone is reading it welcome dear fool😘😝😜😂✌🏼 

I Failed to stop loving you

I Failed to stop loving you

Somewhere I want to thank the incomplete journey we walked with each other; though incomplete yours and mine story has atleast make us complete in a different way. If I have to define our relationship, "it would be the journey that I never owned or I should say I felt a pain while loving you. That pain stopped me to meet the pleasure, I couldn't no longer find myself special into your arms. May be that's why I wanted to stop, I felt to stop loving you." Stop loving you, wasn't that easy. I failed to erase the love for you. I always realized having infinite feelings for you. It could be because I might have grown used to: used to the pains that you gave. May be I loved you for those pains as well that my feelings never turned into hate.

It was me who wanted to stop loving you. And I failed! Yes, I failed to stop loving you. Feelings inside me started to grow from the exact moment where I decided to stop. I wanted to hate you yet failed, rather I found myself falling head over heels for you. And then I realized may be giving up over all the egos and attitude might help resolving our relationship. First time I wanted to step up to save my relationship with you. I wanted to hold onto you and I as we...

May be I was little late. Or may be you were too tired waiting for me to realize our problems and fetch solutions. You had had given up on it. You and I as we, we could never fetch the courage to strengthen our relationship and we kept on losing. We kept on losing our bond, trust, love and may be us behind our egos and attitude. Somewhere we loved each other, we felt for each other. But we failed to protect our relationship.

The only thing I have for you now is let's not give up on our friendship. I have missed you so much. These eyes especially has missed you so badly. But circumstances has made it way difficult for me to ask or explain for friendship to you. I have no clue who should be sorry for letting go our relationship. While I am sorry I couldn't save it for us.

Escape from the Loneliness

Escape from the Loneliness

Love, you can't fetch love for anyone.

Nor can you deny when you start to feel for them.

Love, it just comes invitable; no clue where it comes from.

Yet, lovers say, "it's heart the only source"

Some say it comes along the soul..

While in world where feelings has lost it's worth.

May be sources for love dried up,

Such that one hardly feels love.

And for those who easily fall; it was just an escape.

Escape from the loneliness

You: To me ❤️

Yeah you mean world to me!

There are so many things I have shared with you, from a family to friends, happiness to tears, fears to strength, partner in crime to the time when I said only you are guilty. 

Yet apart from every single fight, arguments, all those bully's the most beautiful thing I always have with you will be our bond which is filled with secret folds of love that non the words can actually phrase nor the world can understand. The world has only seen and observed the bitter feelings and treatments I have given you; yet they can hardly realize how I always want to protect you. While it's really difficult to find a trustable prescious person, I have you next to me. Whatever we have shared or have been to each other in good or bad times will be our sweetest memories that we are gonna carry till death. You are a simple solution to my complicated life while sometimes a mega complication too. Although, I don't treat you good few times, I have loved you so much ❤️; More than any world or words can express. I don't often say this yet I promise to be next to you.

I know out there is a world, of those who underestimates you; where I expect you to be strong man with words. Before you shape into perfection I want you to learn from your mistakes. I want to turn your weakness into strength and focus over your life. In life you will find so many people who will offer you with suggestions, advices and decisions too. But there I want you to stand with your own decision that you won't regret. I want you to enjoy your living. Somewhere I have appeared too rude to you, too strict with you though it was all for your well shake so forgive me for that.

Thank you #Creative_Cake for making it possible

While I even regret the fact that I couldn't be with you on you special occasions. I have literally planned for 10th Jan, 2020; but sorry somewhere I failed. I wanted to surprise you though I couldn't. There are so many situations and occasions when we fought to make things and stuffs equal(from food to dresses, chocolates to scolds, from Dad and Mom to strangers attention at home, from punishment to reward)🤣. We wanted to divide every single things 50:50, yet we never realized while making things 50:50 we had a comple one all bond for life. I we were still are silly enough yet every silly and stupid memories are close to my heart ❤️. 

Generation: Troll and Meme

Trolling and Reacting over their personal and professional life is called entertainment entertainment and entertainment 

Science and technology have gifted us numerous tools and resources to ease our life leading us to be the generation of light and electricity, or creating unimaginable means of communication in the form of cell phones, computers, televisions, and what not. Another boon of science is social media, which once devised with the thought of connecting people, has been serving the opposite purpose these days. But we human beings have always gone to the extreme level and exploited these resources in a way that they appear to be more of a disadvantage, than being beneficial. Sarcastically we are the generation who has started to survive on  social media; it's as important as oxygen today to survive. We need it for everything, and we need it everywhere. We all connect through it as; our friends use it, advertisers use it, celebrities, retail brands, etc. A data shows out of 7.3 billion world's population, there are 3.17 billion users on internet today. 

Meme is something contained with thought or idea that is expressed through video, picture or phrase that a many of people send and share to each other on the internet which contains analogy to a gene. While, trolling can be defined as creating discord on the Internet by starting quarrels or upsetting people by posting inflammatory or off-topic messages in an online community. Basically, a social media troller is someone who purposely says something controversial in order to get a rise out of other users. Similarly, trolls create conflict on social media sites by making controversial statements with the purpose of causing havoc, which can be found in almost every corner of the web. They can create problems to individuals, business and the general well-being of some aspects of social media. 

Where meme is a viral idea, that contains analogy and modifies as it spreads. Troll on the other hand is used sarcastically, usually to embarrass or shame. Individually on a sharp note one who likes to troll an individual either intentionally or pointlessly yells and swears and insults them with some or no purpose. Usually spawned by agruements, disagreements, or just hatred. Trolling can also be conducted as a self-entertainment to those trollers by causing a igintion in chat or post in internet. Probably, we started online trolling of celebrities and public figures, has changed tremendously with individual people these days and we are now able to target anyone we prefer through it. To everyone starting and being a part of an online movement may seem to be interesting, yet supporting those trolls without any research or facts??? Isn't it pointless??? Even if something is of serious concern then it can be dealt with through proper channels. Labelling and tagging online goes viral instantly, this not only makes people feel influential, it builds a polarised society too. In such a case, things can only be either perceived as black or white without people realising the fact that much of reality lies in between. From this we can realize that social media is never a dangerous place to be, but our misuse has made it so. 

Even before trolling we don't concern about what impact can one who is being tolled might have? All we need is entertainment, yet we forget while entertaining us we forget to realize our entertainment for minutes can impact someone's personal life and living. We don't even think someone feels insulted that way. Trolling on one's gender! Trolling on their relationship status! Trolling on their looks and thought might not bring casualties to readers yet it does havoc one who is being trolled. It hampers those thinking and living. 

Who are we trolling today? We are trolling those who took a step forward to think differently. Yes, we trolled their confessions! To us their confessions over their gender identity (gay, lesbians, intersexual, transgender) is being a source entertainment. Yet, hardly we recognize how they are facing and to what extent they have actually challanged the rigid social stigma and come infront so that more like them can atleast recognize themselves and stand for their right. And we, the generation support them with our sarcastic meme's and trolls. Somewhere we are victimizing the confessors. Where one is putting her/his best effort to explain and understand themselves; we are trolling them for our entertainment. meme??Who should we troll actually? The one who come up with real identities or the one who laugh over them as a source of entertainment through?? We love reacting over the memes nationality, nationas even politicians have been a part of trolling; in one way may be this can help solving the areas that needs to be improved. Yet, we are trolling each and every sentences of their speech. Even war to us is now a part of our entertainment, all we seek in life is trolls that can entertain us and we can react over.

Contaminated Memories of Ours.

Contaminated memories of ours

The cold breeze again lifted my hair off my shoulder, tonight. With the glimpse of the bright moon and stars around it; I feel nothing but the contaminated memory of ours in my loneliness. I remember the time, holding your hands and the random talks used to be yours favourite. I still think of the moments when you used to be a good listener to me when I discussed how I think our future should last together.  I remember how you continuously stare upon me. And each time I asked “you what’s wrong?”, you used to lean towards me and kiss me.

I get goosebumps all over my body. “Yeah, it’s very cold”- I speak to myself.  Rubbing my both hands and blowing some warm air to it. Though, you are no more I will try to trace you in the contaminated memories of ours. I have waited for you beneath the sky, from the full moon to the new moon. And still after six long years without you, I still feel the same old feeling in this atmosphere like I used to before with you. I lived my six years with you where the audience were the sky full of the stars and the only moon. Now since six long years the audience must say- I look incomplete without you.