सम्झना अटाउने तिमि

सम्झना अटाउने तिमि

आगो जव सल्किन्छ पागलपनको डढेलो मुटुभरि लाग्छ.. खरानी खरानि छ मन चितमा चढेको लास पनि आत्था पोल्यो भनि झस्कियर व्युझीन्छ.. तड्पन यो मुटुभरि धड्कन भन्दा बढि छ..न जिवन न मरन खै त्यो संगम कहाँ छ..बकवास यो दूनियाले प्रेमको परिभासा सूनायो..म लेख्छु छुट्टै इतिहास भन्दै पाइला अन्धो प्रेमको रस्तामा डोहोर्यायो..तर पना पल्टिदै च्यातिदै गरेको अतित आज फेरि याद आयो.. म कोरिएको पाना मेटियो तिमि जोडियको पाना हरायो..तिमि र म बिच हामि भन्ने बाहाना सबै बिलायो..अझै कोर्न मसि नपुगे नसा नसामा सल्बलाइ रहेका रगतका थोपा बाँकि छन्..तर कहानि छैन.. गलतिका पुन्ज पाहाड थुपारी सके मैले तर तर पस्चाताप र माफिको कुनै नामो निसान छैन,,न उत्तर छ हरेक जवाफ सवाल बनिदिन्छन्.. न प्रेम छ बाँकि जिउदै मरेको प्रेत सरि मलाई रात रात भर तर्साई रहन्छ..

तिमि निदाउन भन्छौ मलाई आँखा खोलेर सपना देख्ने आदत परि सक्यो..या त मरूँ या यसरि नै बाँचु केहि फरक नपर्ने बनि सक्यो.. बिना अर्थ हाँस्नु र आँसू खसाल्नु सामान्य बनि सक्यो.. कसैको मतलब बिनाको मतलब खोज्नु गीरायर आफैलाई तिमिलाई माथी हेर्दै आकाशको फल आँखा तरि मर भनि चित्त बूझाउनु यो मनले जानि सक्यो.. सकियछ तिमिमा चडेको मेरो मायाको असर बिस्तारै बिस्तारै त्यो आभाष उत्रि सक्यो.. मलाई आवेगको बाडिले बगायर तिमिबाट कोसौँ टाडा छाडि सक्यो,,भोलि आकास रून्छ आकास सँगै म पनि रून्छु..पुछेर आँसु आर्को दिन सन्सार हिड्छ म पनि हिड्छु.. यो रित यस्तै छ दुनियाँले त भूल्छ कुनै दिन सायद म पनि भुल्छु.. अनि भन्नु तिमि , तिमिले गरेको मायामा स्वार्थ लुकेको रैछ.. मेरो मनको मान्छे ठानेको थिऍ आखिर तिमि त सोच्न पनि लायकको रहेनछ.. बस त्यति बेला म रुदिन किनकि मलाई थाहा छ यो संसारमा सबै भन्दा अमुल्य मेरै आँसू पो रहेछ..जसको हरेक थोपामा तिम्रो सम्झना अटाउने रहेछ..

FEELING of FIRST LOVE

किन मन लाग्छ फाल हान्न हरेक पल गहिरो यो मायाको सागरमा ..छाल बनि उठ्छन् मेरा भावना ..अकाल वित्छ न्यानो प्रेमको उनको सौगात..र अकसमात छागा बाट खसे जस्तो हून्छु..पसिनाले पुरै भिजेर भयानक सपना छोडि व्युझन्छू..म तर्सन्छू तिमि छूट्दै छौ भनेर..कति रात गन्दै छू विथोलियको टुक्रियर झर्दै गरेको तारा संग तिमिलाइ मागेर..के हो किन यस्तो लाग्छ सितार जडेको घुम्टोले तिमलाई ढाकिदिउँ,,,तिम्रो खालि सिउदो भरोस सिन्दूरले अरु कसैले तर म गाडा रगतले भरिदिउँ,,मेरो नामको टिका धागो चूरा पोते..हात समाइ सात फेरा सयद हामि घुम्दैनौ होला..तर प्रेम यो त कहिले मर्दैन..

मलाइ के हूदैछ थाहा छैन र जान्नू पनि छैन..अन्तमनमा द्वन्द चल्दैछ र वाहिर के छ अतापता छैन..लापता आफ्नै सुरमा बेतोड आँखा चिम्लि कुद्दै छू.. घरि खाडलमा पसे घरि बादलमा उडेँ आज फेरि चट्टानमा बजारिदैछू.. सपनामा चूमेँ आकास भरिका जून तारा सबै..तर पापी विपनाले विउँझाईदियो म पातालको पिंदमा पछारिऍ,,,त्यो पहिलो भेट पहिलो प्रेमको पहिलो स्पर्स ,, चाहे तिमि पागलपन नै भन्ने ठान हँसेर देखाइन तर कति खुसि थिऍ मनमनै कुनै सिमानै थियन..तिम्रो अंगाललोको न्यानोपन त्यति नजिक मेरो आत्मा कसैसंग थियन.. थहा छैन तिम्रो ओठ चुम्ने बानि किन लाग्यो.. अरू केहिमा त्यो नसा त्यो मिठास पाउदिन..तर आदत सरि वनेको तिम्रो माया यो मनको आफैमा बस नचल्दा तिमिसंग वोल्न पनि म पाउदिन..मेरो मायामा कमि छ,,छ धेरै कमजोरि म मा पनि,..कुनै दिन त्याग गर्न सक्थे ढाँटेको थिइन यहि थियो मेरो मयाको सबैभन्दा ठुलो खुवि,,

तर आज वैगूनि वन्दैछु..कुन जूनिको रिन तिमिमाथि थोपर्दैछु..म कूनैपनि सम्वन्ध निभाउन नसक्ने एउटा असामाजिक प्राणि यहि सुइकारी एक्लोपनमा हराउँदैछु..तिमि कुनैदिन खोज्छौ मलाइ???म तिम्रै नाम लियर यो सून्यतामा चिच्याई रहेछु,,हजार सब्दहरू भनिरहन्छ खामोस ऒठहरूले,एकतमास लोलाएका तिम्रा आँखाहरू टोलायरै म हेरीरहू..डूवू तिमि वोलेको आवाजमा तैरियर तिम्रो हात समाइ जिवनको किनारमा तिम्रो साथ कुनै साँझ मायाका दूई मिठा वात गरूँ,, फिजारीयको त्यो कालो बादल जस्तो केस हटाई म मेरि जूनलाई नियालि रहूँ,,मलाई तिम्रो आँखा भिजेको हेर्नुछ,,पिडाहरूले विजायर हैन..स्नेह र प्रित टलपलायका भावना उघारेर हेर्नुछ..बस सन्नाटा चिर्दै एक साथ एकै सुस्केरा फेर्नुछ..मेरो सारा संसार तिमि यो अंगालोले बेरेर आफुभरि समेट्नुछ.. कोरियका यि हत्केलाका सबै रेखा मेटाई,,तिम्रो प्रप्तिनै मेरो सौभाग्य तिमिमै सुरु तिमिमै मेटिनुछ..

हो प्रेमको गति सधै एकनास चलिरहन्न,.तर यथार्थ हो यो कहिले मर्दा पनि मर्दैन.,,बाचा कसमले बाँधेर म बन्धनको पिंजडा कदापि कदापि बनाउदिन..खुला पन्छिझैँ छाडिदिन्छु बरू आफै पन्छिदिन्छू,, तिम्रो मनको घर जाँहा छ उडिजाउ,,म त त्यहि सपनाको सहरमा डुलिरहन्छु..आफुलाई भूलिरहन्छू ..तिम्रो यादमा भुल्लिरहन्छू..सम्झना र सपना यसै छ यो मनको चाहाना,, बाँकि राखेर मनको मनै दफ्नायर.. ईर्स्या र जलनको आगो पनि त बारबार तापिराख्न सक्दिन.. हो चिहायर हेर्दाहेर्दै ऎना बन्यौ तिमि कसो गरुँ अब,,याहाँ कति सुन्दर देखिन्छु नचिहाई बसिराख्न पनि त सक्दिन..पापीस्वार्थि नभने है..बेकाबू भयर ति ओठ चुम्न पुगेछु सरिरको भोगी नठाने है.. हर गलतिलाई माफ गरिदियौ ..मेरा भावना वुझेर आँसु पनि पुछिदियौ,, न केहि माग्यौ न केहि गुनासो राख्यौ,वस माया गर्यौ सम्मान दियौ.. मेरो अधा अधुरो जिवनमा छोटो मिठो प्रेम कहानि भरिदियौ..मेरो पुरा पुरै अन्धकार जिववनको विहानि वनिदियौ..

Unseen Connection Of Me With Him

 Unseen Connection Of Me With Him

What’s between us is an unidentified thread that neither he nor I can see. It’s quite funny to recall all the conversations yet every time I do so I feel myself full of life. Yes! He remained to be my soulful motivator. In between the silly conversations there are several time when he fell for me and many more times when I fell for him. While in this process of falling we, yes we started to climb upon the stairs for our career. The process of climbing sometimes sounded like boredom yet we had no choice.

Stairs to the career! Hmm really seem hard to match up rhythm with the same idiotic person when the criteria and your career differ. There were piled complaints of him when I used to have no time for him. Even I remember myself saying he hardly cares, why should I care? But the thread connecting us never broke. It just went connecting closer and closer.

Remembering, how we started? Hmm, the day I told him I am a bad girl, haha that’s really funny but he believed I was not. So that belief is the major reason we are connected. Moreover, the way we imagine and fantasize the world in our head is also the connection we have: yet unseen and unrealized at many points. Even after connecting this close he’s not my boyfriend nor is my best friend. May be he exceeded both: he holds a respect from beneath the heart, while my heart finds no words to express. The feeling just complicates me.

He hardly knows how I create these silly imaginations in head. My source is him, yes him. All the romantic thoughts, all the thrilling flirts, all the inspiring vibrations, everything comes from you and our silly conversations. An unseen connection that drives us and the silly conversations that connect us are the only meaningful base to our relation. It is really complicated to define who he is to me though flirting with him makes my mood glow.

Every time he admired me, I kind of blush. “Your eyes are the most playful factor I have ever seen in life miss beautiful. No doubts they are beautiful. Intensity of your eyes they drive me crazy like hell, seems like almost half of your secrets you hide in there.” These words from him are damn locked in this heart. Every moment he says he loves the way I think, I want him to realize I always think of the connection between us but nothing else. At the end of every day I think about us falling: then next morning starts with the thought of climbing me and him into our life. I then think to keep this connection safe just to make sure my soulful life is him. And he is neither my boyfriend in the romantic hour nor the best friend in my cries and laugh. He is motivation! motivation of my life, my living... Oh Butterfly! Dear Butterfly! You inspire me every day, I may not express nor say.

AT THE EMOTIONAL … , MY HEART!

AT THE EMOTIONAL … , MY HEART!

At the emotional city;My heart!How could you remain as a stone? While the world out here complained of the throbbing pain

You stood there smiling as if you were the only insane.

At the emotional market;My heart!How could you remain as a deaf?The world out there called you to be the only culprit thereAnd you continuously smiled as if you hardly care.

At the emotional crossroad;My heart!How could you remain as a dumb?Why could the world not hear!While you had had also put your arguments there?

In this emotional gardenMy heart!How could you remain as a blind?While people had already seen ugliness in you,You were busy explaining the beauty around you.

At the emotional court;My heart!You are the actual criminal;You are responsible to fill many hearts with pain…

My Ex-thing.

My Ex-thing.

We’ve had a quirky past but let’s face it… having each other as exes is much better than not having each other in our lives at all!  I supposed you to be arrogant and nasty, annoying and rude. Thanks for being none of that. There was a day when I thought that you were the best thing that happened to me. There was also a day when I thought that you were the worst thing that happened to me. Today I think that you weren’t meant to be the best or the worst thing to my life – or WE, were never meant to be YOU and I, may be because ended being nobody. 

We will never know why we had heartbreak written in our fates, but I will always remember the beautiful memories of our amazing dates. Sometimes I think I have moved on, sometimes I think that I still love you. The emptiness in my heart and the confused state of my mind, I wish you knew. After all the love that I gave you, heartbreak is the gift that you gave me. forgiveness is the gift I am going to give you. I would LOVE to admit that I HATE you but the truth is and I HATE to admit it, that I still LOVE you. And i realize you are; My Ex- thing.

THE LAST WISH

THE LAST WISH

I’m not born stupid! Though I love to be one;

Every moment I am with you.

Neither I am talkative; yet I start nonstop lectures and day

Finding a perfect listener in you.

I hardly flirt: while my heart flutters!

Finding you around.

I just feel to irritate you all the time:

And at last no complain from you at all.

After all my mood swings: my silence is the only thing

That bothers you a lot.

Neither you nor I!

Ever expressed how much priority do we hold for eachother.

I don’t wish to know of and about this priority.

Yet, when I die; I want you.

I want you, to come running to me,

with your eyes full of tears.

then shout a loud

- “Stop kidding you kiddo! Just wake up.

Just wake up and live some more memories  with me.”

Just To Love You

Just To Love You

Nights when I get no sleep!

I get distracted: distracted,

With thoughts of you, with thoughts of me.

With thoughts of us; together.

Healthy flirts with sweet tease,

Moment together that just pleased.

You were no around.

Yeah! You are no around.

Yet, I feel to hold you in my memories;

Just to hug you.

I feel to pick you up from my memories;

Just to kiss you.

And yes, yes I feel to lock you in my arms;

Just to love you. Love you with my honest heart.

Every night my unseen perfection!

My favorite task is; to pick you up from our memories together

Just to love you!

Just to love you!!!

MY ROMANTIC DIARY

I wish for the moment of fantasy where;

You could love me unconditionally being for only being me...

I wish for the moment when; you would find my lap as your finest pillow

And i would run my fingers through your hair.

I wish to find you listening to; whatever I say .

At last, when you are done listening.

I wish you to stop me.

Stop me! Without,  your fingers or words.

I wish it to be your lips placed over mine.

I wish my acts;

Making your heart flutter and flutter.

And after getting no words to express how you felt.

You would come closer and just hug me!

To make me attend your heartbeats,

Letting me to lean over you.

I wish when my life fall:

Towards the darker shade like, night.

You would appear to me and,

Twinkle as the brightest and closest star to my life.

I wish whatever the situation gets;

You would stand next to me.

Holding me in your arms,

Standing by my side, forever.

The feeling of love

Life had grown too dull

But these days I am filled with little glow.

Observing self in the mirror;

was never that interesting.

Yet these these I find a happy reflection.

Yeah! I do check;

if my taste has gone frown.

There are changes in this wind:

A little bright; A little shine

A  little charm and yes!

BREAK-UPS

BREAK-UPS

A breakup is a state of mind that needs encouragement and needs hopeful, forward thinking. Basically, a bad breakup is never meant to teach you 'I'll never fall in love again.' It's meant to teach you 'Now I better know what makes for healthful, happy love - and thanks to this breakup I'm now better able to recognize it and snag it!' But sometimes Breaking up is hard to do... so it's essential to keep getting wiser - and wiser - about what healthy love is all about. And that's just a symbol of how you should deal with a breakup. You can cry for a little bit, eat some ice cream, but I think, after that, it's like, get up, listen to some powerful music and do something that makes you happy, be productive.

You're breaking up, you're getting together, you're changing your life, you're arguing with your parents, you're making terrible mistakes, you're having great triumphs. That’s what teenage mostly is about.Whether you're dealing with a recent breakup, a fall-out with family, or a failed business venture, be aware that your emotions could affect your spending habits. Uncomfortable emotions can increase the chances that you'll behave recklessly, which may have a negative impact on your bank account.One of the most painful parts of a breakup is having the feeling that your life is a story, and then the other person leaves and takes the story with them. And you're left there without it. You're left in this version of life that's basically a succession of events and interactions that don't seem to be going anywhere.

Sometimes I tell people this: It's easy to write about walking in the park, but it's hard to write about a breakup. I don't think breakups are ever easy for anybody. If they are, they aren't much of a breakup.

I think the worst part about a breakup sometimes, if one could choose a worst part, would possibly be if you get out of a relationship, and you don't recognize yourself because you changed a lot about you. So I am pretty sure about: No one goes straight to happiness after a breakup.

Her Tale: Unspoken experiences

Her Tale: Unspoken experiences

While walking by the roadside on my way from office, I notice him continuously staring at me.  And his stare is not unknown though he is a stranger; I face a lot of stares on me from various guys out in this society.  Those stares are too mysterious. Their stares upon me sometimes fill me with shame, I try my best to act as if I never saw them staring upon me. Further, I think I deserve the award for best actress for acting out so wise. But the fact is these men never stared at me rather, they stared at the piece of flesh attached to my body; my chest, my breast.

So, today also I find a similar stare upon my piece of flesh, my breast from him. His eyes were gazing upon it without even a blink. He has no fear of being caught.  I felt like my breasts were put for an auction and he was one of a person in crowd; who was being entertained from the show.  Yes, I felt Insecure, I felt pain, as if I was being raped; raped with his eyes but it doesn’t make any concern to him.  Every time, I want to question him, but I can’t.  I wish to shout at him yelling watch your eyes off Mr. I wish to ask him if the  extra-stuffed  piece of flesh attached to my chest are entertaining him well or not? If it’s not then I want to shout at him why are you staring to my property watch your way and move.  

When I notice him staring to my chest, I came-up with tons of ideas in my mind. While, my heart throbs and I feel like I am being punished for having these breast. I don’t feel good when they look at my breast as if I am a criminal hiding golds or diamond inside these pooped flesh. Each time, they give a mysterious look over my breast, these pieces of flesh; I want to shout at him with the heaviest pitch of my voice yet some unseen barriers stop me. And within a cold space in me, I suffer. But a thought amuses me thinking he must be curious on how my chest expanded without losing sweat in the gym, because I have heard from many of the guys that for their expanded chest they spend hours in gym. So, I think he stares to my expanded chest because he must be thinking how I achieved it without even working out at gym like he does! And these thoughts are just to console my heart, further I console myself in my imaginative world. The world where I shall make him realize of how I felt when he used to glance at my flesh so mysteriously. If only I could, I would have made him wake up with same amount of flesh attached to his chest. I would make sure he gets same glances over his chest from all the girls he passes by. Then I don’t think he would feel the same way as I do. He is a man so he would describe it in terms of may be somehow a bravery.  And the fact is I cannot make him be so or understand how I feel.

I can never make him feel the way I do over their each glance over my breast. I cannot explain them how humiliating it feels. Furthermore, I feel ashamed to hear your indirect comments over the size of my breast. Sometimes I feel to cut them off and hand it over to you guys to make sure you get clearer visions of the thing I carried under my clothes.

"And I know, I here is not just me, I  represent every girl who goes through such stares to her office, her way back home, her college. And I understand it’s damn hard to explain how their stare silently throbs. We don’t find how to explain the situation and problem we bear. I understand we are ashamed to talk on this problem.  But not talking over the issue is making the issue more sever."